There’s a myth. (Yes, I know. Myths have their own page, but, this one is special. It deserves its own little domain).
93% of communication is non-verbal. (Yeah, right! If you wanna read the truth by the original researcher, follow this link)
And (and this one solely belongs to women), “You should know what I think!”
Well, Albert Mehrabian, the author of “93% of communication” myth has often debunked it himself. You can read about it more in the link above, but, suffice to say that the study dealt with ambiguous interaction. Another words, if the listener is not sure of what is being said, they resort to reading body language, expression, and tonality. If the message is clear, no guessing is involved.
As far as “guess what I think.” Allow me to take a step back.
In 1987 I was a part of growing martial arts studio in Kiev, Ukraine. Our members were rather skilled, and, as part of one experiment, we focused on exchanging mental images. The image that my partner and I successfully conveyed to each other was a big blank tank on a grassy green knoll. I remember clearly seeing an image of the tank, and, my partner was successful in receiving similar image from me. Not everyone, however, was successful in that exercise.
Now, remember, this was a controlled environment, and, it had far less than 100% success rate. It also dealt with rather primitive imagery. It is impossible, or, at least, unknown to modern science, to exchange thoughts at will, as well as read them from unwilling participant. Imagine, for a moment, that you’re in a social gathering, and, the woman in front of you gives you that “You should know what I’m thinking” expression. How successful could you be in such a situation?
So, there you are. A closed-minded woman, addressing a Neanderthal man, with a non-verbal communique “You should know what I’m thinking!”
You think I’m being harsh? Let’s be honest here. Quite a few women are adept at getting what they want. Show me a 13-year old girl, who doesn’t know how to batter her eyelashes and say “Daddy, can I have a bicycle?” and I’ll show you a white rhino.
Men, on the other hand, are a great deal simpler. (I should know, I used to be as thick as rhino’s hide.) If something is unclear, it’s a great deal easier to avoid it, rather than ask for clarification. I suppose, it makes us feel less of a man, a man who cannot lead. We lose our direction.
The result, however, regardless of what the reasons are, is the same everywhere you look. Women believe that men should read their minds, and, men, at the very same time, pretend that they would rather eat a box full of nails then to ask “Umm, honey, not to be rude, but, what the hell do you want?”
Irreconcilable differences. The biggest reason for divorces as of late. Is it because all of a sudden people forgot how to communicate? Is it because men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Do we speak different languages?
Well, neither of those, of course. We simply don’t know how to communicate, and, blame so much on the other person: “He/she doesn’t understand me!”